Coming out: My business, my timeline

People think that when one is coming out, it should be their timeline or their business. In all honesty, it is not. It is mine.

I remember contemplating things seven years ago and felt that it was the right time to come out to family and chosen friends. I was not considering the bigger picture and what the repercussions are after. I just want to be myself. However, when it is not the time and you do not want other people to know your business, someone will whisper at you and say, "Not yet." That was how I felt seven years but two years later, when I finally let my hair down and showed who I was, it still was not easy but it was the time for me to come out.

It was a long process. It all started with the pronoun and how I want to be referred to. I was not consumed with names yet. However, there was this urge inside me that I need to inform people that I want to be referred to as she, her, hers. Easy. No, it was not. People were having a hard time adjusting with the pronouns, and I get it. I did not want to force it to people, but I also did not want them to feel embarrassed when they are correcting themselves. Nonetheless, it got better. I think most of the people I know are on board with the pronouns. There would be some hiccups but that is ok. The key they said is, if they mess it up, correct them and move on.

Muncho Lake Provincial Lake

Then comes the name, I am aware that the people I know are so used to my real name and I honestly have no problem with it but the dysphoria at times is just killing me. I have learned to let of go things and know that I can control my emotions, thoughts and actions. I should be not bet getting used to underhanded comments, I also learned how to dish it to people. On the other hand, there are times that I would let go of things because it is not worth my time and energy. You have to choose your battle, and that is the good part about knowing what you can control. My name is still something I need to work on, and I hope that people will be respectful of it. If I introduced myself in a different name, people should not be questioning the name I stated because I would never question why there is an additional "H" in someone's name or how the spelling is so different from others.

I was once at a party and of course, I was a visitor and the opening line was, "Are you trans?" I was taken aback. In my head, why was it important? I simply nodded and got quiet. I did not enjoy the party very much. I enjoyed the food, though. I wish I had said something with matching raised eyebrows. I do not understand why it is relevant, and it is their business. If I want to come out at a party, I will but it has to be the right time and place. It is not even respectful to say, "I am sorry, I am saying that you are trans." In the first place, it is not cool that your introduction is about my gender identity. It is so ignorant and very ill-mannered I must say. I would be very happy with a "Hi and how are you?"

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." —Harvey Fierstein

I do not think of this as awful but looking back I thought that it was inappropriate. On the first day of my class in my master's program, I have introduced myself to my assigned partner who would then introduce me to the class. My classmate blurted out my gender identity and I was shocked that I was presented as transgender in the class wherein number one, I believe it requires permission for something sensitive like that to be out in the open and number two I do not want to be uncomfortable with the new set of faces I am meeting for the first time. It was not a horrific experience, but I was gobsmacked that I was outed that way. It was not a problem for me to come out to my classmates, nevertheless, I do not think that it should have come from someone else's mouth.

Assuming that everyone will react negatively about my coming out is not good but it all boils down to the preparation and support you will receive. I give people time to absorb things and if they are unhappy with what they heard. Not my problem. My visibility is as important as others. My voice and presence are as significant as everyone else. My part in the community has a bearing on how our society will grow in a more inclusive environment. My only request is it should be my business as to which I want to come out to and as to when I want to come out to people.