Dear boys who are interested versus boys who want their ticky box checked,

There are mainly two types of boys on any online dating platform (from a transwoman's perspective): One who is very keen and one who has a ticky box they need to fulfill.

So let me start by saying, I think that you have gone past the peeking and you managed to have the balls to say hi. Now, we are in this phase where I would like to know who you are. I wanted to know whether you have a genuine interest to get to know me as a person or it could be a diverse kind of interest wherein you are curious. Some interest does not have to be romantic. Your interest can be about talking to a transwoman which can be geared towards curiosity or possibly meeting in person as a starter. My ultimate request as usual is respect. The other type is the ones who have an ulterior motive who has a checklist that requires a check or maybe a star sign beside the word "transwoman". I don't know what marker or emoji you are using. Up to you.

I am waiting!

However, let me be straight and honest here. I get it. Everyone wants to connect, but not every connection includes good intention or authenticity. Some are ill-willed and has a motive. Let me say this clearly; modern dating has never been easy for everyone especially for myself and my trans sisters out there. Trans visibility is getting better. Yet, I find that stigma is still happening out there. The worst part of it all, some of the aggression, transphobia and discrimination are concealed in the dating world. So, just an FYI, I don't tolerate hostility during a conversation or I will fuck you up.

So to the ones who are interested, I bet you probably have been thinking about this for a while or maybe five minutes ago. I am also interested to know what types of questions will come out from our conversation. I hope that you will start with questions related to my profile such as my interest. You can ask me what I like to do in my spare time, we might share the same interest. I hope that fear and shame are not clouding your enthusiasm. On the other hand, I appreciate the attentiveness you are demonstrating to me. Let me point something as well, that we are not here to discuss labels. Talking to me does not mean shaky sexuality, but I also understand that your masculinity is fragile at the moment. We are here to have an open discussion and be friendly. I must say that if there is genuine interest there would be lots to talk about.

Well, hello boys who have a grocery list, I am kidding. I don't know what you call your list, I sincerely don't want to be part of your bucket list. I am flattered but shouldn't be the northern lights a priority there or the blue lagoon in Iceland. Either way, remove me from the list. Your kind are the ones whose introduction starts with, "Hey, do you want to suck my dick?" or "Hey, I haven't tried having sex with a transwoman, how big are your boobies? The worst one, " Do you have a pussy?" I am getting uncomfortable myself, writing these but this is the reality.

Trans visibility is getting better. Yet, I find that stigma is still happening out there. The worst part of it all, some of the aggression, transphobia and discrimination are concealed in the dating world.

This is what I call inappropriateness and for me, they are micro-aggressions in nature. The intrusiveness of the questions is not tasteful. I despise them. I get it, the fetish, but no, please stop. Transmisogyny is becoming more atrocious and our existence shouldn't be perceived as shocking or worth the headline. So if I call you on it, don't be upset. I was just rectifying an old belief or notion so entrenched in our socio-cultural understanding of gender. Keyword, education. Once, I am done with that piece, I am going to say goodbye and you can have a great day.

It is not hard to identify those two kinds. I am ready to entertain both and yes, I am waiting.

Sincerely,

Jade