Dear Meh-ster California,

(This is one of the letter series I am going to be doing until the end of the year. I went into hiding with posting on my blog because you know work has gotten busy and I was a little spacey, maybe brain fog brought by COVID-19 but here is the first one. Happy reading!)

(Meh (/mɛ/) is a colloquial interjection used as an expression of indifference or boredom. It is often regarded as a verbal equivalent of a shrug of the shoulders. The use of the term "meh" shows that the speaker is apathetic, uninterested, or indifferent to the question or subject at hand.-Thanks Google)

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Funny, how dating apps can suddenly make you alive. I was excited when you said hi to me. I was also surprised with how much connection we had on day one. Very interesting topics we discussed and what I find amusing was our interest in nature. I know you like the desert and its topography. Knowing I am in the amazing Pacific Northwest there are so many interesting places here. Yes, we do have deserts here, too in BC.

I remember saying hi to you but in reality, you said hi to me first and it was funny when you tried pointing it out to me. Yes, yes you noticed me first (can someone just cover my face, I am blushing). We started talking and you told me that you are just post-breakup. I get it, you are not looking for anything plus this is an online dating and for every people, I connect with there is always going to be that get-to-know-you phase.

We had an awesome run there, talking every night while you are on your break from teaching. It was a lot of fun. I always look forward to chatting with you and I know you are not a big fan of showing your face on camera you managed to do it for me. So thank you!

Well, look at that face and cleavage-ville!

It was all different topics and we had all these get-to-know-you questions that we did one night where we had to take turns asking a question about stuff you like to do and other personal things. It was a way to get to know someone if you wanted to hang out with them in the future. Take note, our conversation was happening during the pandemic.

I think you were into me, too. We planned to meet last year and have made plans to hike one of the mountains here in the Whistler/Squamish area. I reserved that for you, you know. I declined invites from friends because I want to be able to spend the evening with you in a tent and watch the stars. I am a hopeless romantic I know. Don't judge me.

I was crazy about you let me tell you. The power of that connection was electrifying and it makes you wonder why that happens but I guess when you connect with someone you connect. Why even question it?

I even added and said, good people, will meet good people. However, now it made me think, about whether you are a good person. Are you?

One drunk night at my friend's party I told my friends that I will marry you. Who am I kidding, a California guy would marry an Asian Empress from the north. I don't think it is going to happen. I was absolutely delusional. However, I know deep inside me I want it to happen. You know how the saying goes, the universe has a different plan for you.

Our connection started drifting away when classes started. I was sad, it was heartbreaking, that is for sure.

I thought why can't someone make time for me, I felt like I was begging and I realized you are just not that into me. I mean, come on, it doesn't require further analysis, I know that I was trying to rationalize your last email with me telling myself that you are just busy and we have made this "International monument that we will keep in touch no matter what happens". Let me tell you this when only one person is making that effort that is not keeping in touch, that is plain begging. I am not wasting the pretty for that.

No beggar here!

I told myself, I have dated a lawyer and a VP of a big grocery chain down in the Pacific North West, yet they made time for me. I am not tooting my own horn but sorta. Like they made time and am sorry with your profession, I get it and am not demeaning it because my brother is also one. I guess our connection wasn't strong enough to surpass the busy schedule you have. I thought it was going to stay strong but I was wrong.

Again in one of my delusional states, I thought I found a good one.

When I had to reflect on all the days that I had to wait for text messages, sure, sure "you weren't ignoring me" I say BS. It made me realize that I was giving it my all and I was waiting for someone who doesn't even have the time to notice me. I find that disrespectful for myself and you did hinder my growth I must say. I could have moved on early but of course, I was this dreamy girl and thought that trip would happen. So we can spend a day or two together. I was a dreamer but also I was a fool.

At the same time, you taught me a lesson that you are not ready for some hot tamales like me. Oh well, it is your loss.

Sincerely,

Jade