Exclusion of trans women is an insecurity trap

Recently, I recorded a video about my reaction and disgust at someone who was very non-inclusive. I meant excluding myself from the dating pool. I know I came out strong, but I do not regret any part of it. However, I wanted to deeper dive into it.

So, a lady commented. Yes, I am saying a lady, and this is where it becomes an issue because it is not just some people. It is one of my sisters. I think the alliance should be tight whether you are cis or trans. I was mistaken. There should be that support yet, I received a harsh and disgusting response from my comment. Take note, I only said, "Oh that guy is cute."Well, I guess it triggered something. Suddenly, it felt like it was a competition which I do not get, to be honest. I am not even competing. I only complimented someone.

You don't exclude this face! DON'T!

I have these three questions: Number one, Who granted you the right to spew that comment into my face? Number two, why the abruptness and inappropriateness of the comment? Number 3, so you are deciding for him now? The more burning question is, why exclude me?

It means 12.5% are willing to date trans people. Effectively allow me to go deeper here, and in the 12.5 %, the research stated that 3.3% of straight men preferred a trans person of either binary gender (Blair and Hoskin, 2018).

I was unsure why she said that. She apologized and has backpedalled and said, "I do not think he is into transwomen."Girl, she got blasted even more. I inquired what made her say that because that decision is not up to her. It was more her opinion, pretty much that reeks of insecurity. Once more, why is she deciding and choosing for him? At first, I thought that maybe she was being protective. She does not need to be. She has a boyfriend. I noticed the guy in the picture, she even said he was single and I thought he was cute. I did not say I wanted to guy or marry the guy. Now I am reflecting on what she would have said. I sensed insecurity there, too. But why, is my question.

Fashion slay

There could be so many things, like I said earlier, I was believed to be a fierce competition wherein really I should be unseen as one. After all, the dating world is an equal and fair playground for everyone. I have an extremely slim chance of finding a possible partner who would date me. A study by Blair and Hoskin said, "Across a sample of heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, and trans individuals, 87.5% indicated they would not consider dating a trans person, with cisgender heterosexual men and women being most likely to exclude trans persons from their potential dating pool. " (Transgender exclusion from the world of dating: Patterns of acceptance and rejection of hypothetical trans dating partners as a function of sexual and gender identity, 2018).

It means 12.5% are willing to date trans people. Effectively allow me to go deeper here, and in the 12.5 %, the research stated that 3.3% of straight men preferred a trans person of either binary gender (Blair and Hoskin, 2018). Look at the percentage of 3.3%. For the love of God, where is justice here? Take note again in the 3.3%, I am wondering how much it is for trans women alone. Maybe 1.2%? It could be my dissertation for my Ph.D, I will find out. Like seriously, the numbers are getting smaller for me. I cannot say cute to someone and possibly get their number.

Slay Mama

According to Vrangalova, "The high rates of trans exclusion from potential dating pools are undoubtedly due in part to cisnormativity, cissexism, and transphobia — all of which lead to lack of knowledge about transgender people and their bodies, discomfort with these unknowns, and fear of being discriminated against by proxy of one’s romantic partner." (New Research shows a vast majority of cis people won't date trans people, 2018)

I meant what I said when I said I do not give a fuck whether people think I am ugly or not hot. I know what I look like. On the other hand, what I give a fuck with are people telling me who should like me, interested in me or not interested in me. I find it harsh and yes, below the belt. It is not right that someone is excluding trans people from dating people they find cute by someone who is not even part of the pool. I say, she deserves to get blasted and shamed. I do not tolerate hostility and snide comments. That was a total declaration of transphobia. It reeks of insecurity, and I cannot imagine what was going through her head when she said those words. I mean, it was not the first time that I was excluded and was told the same kinda thing. There were subtle nuances before that I just ignored. This time around it was a brutal attack on my viability as a dating partner and deciding who should like me. It was not acceptable and not welcome in my world.

I say, let's speak kindness and inclusiveness. But I am also going to say, do not let insecurity be a trap. Every individual's dating experience is different and I have my struggles.

References:

Blair, K. L., & Hoskin, R. A. (2019). Transgender exclusion from the world of dating: Patterns of acceptance and rejection of hypothetical trans dating partners as a function of sexual and gender identity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(7), 2074–2095. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407518779139

Vrangalova, Z. (June, 2018). New Research shows a vast majority of cis people won't date trans people. Retrieved from: https://www.them.us/story/cis-trans-dating