Excuse me, trans women are dateable!

Dating a trans woman was an episode on my recent podcast but I wanted to highlight this topic in writing.

In general, the dating scene can be brutal but dating a trans woman has gotten better in recent years but the stigma is still present. Having a relationship with a trans woman is still stigmatized in the society although I applaud the bravery of cis men who are out there in the arena. I wanted to focus on five topics that I think will help to lessen the stigma and transphobia surrounding dating trans women. Let me clarify for once that when a cis man says they are not into trans woman, I do not tag them as transphobic. I get it some are not comfortable but there are also wordings surrounding how these male specimens are reacting when I show them my sass. However, I do not engage further with them because I know it will not go anywhere. All I want is an education and to change the narrative of how trans women are viewed as a viable dating partner.

Summer 2020: Let your light shine

• Do not assume that all trans women are the same. Seriously, we are all different. We also have different personalities. If you want to dig more, some of us are pre-op or post-op. In my case, I am on Hormone therapy. I am going through the process of my transition. Some wait for a few years to decide on what they want to do while some move forward with the gender-confirming surgery. We have options and what we do with our body is up to us. I have heard this from someone, "You are practically a gay man with no ability to do surgery." All these pathetic and lame comments are not welcomed in my world. The assumption is a no-go. Same goes with the guys I date or see, I do not assume that they have big penises because trust me, they do not. Stop creating these stories in your head. If you want to know more, ask.

• For the introduction when I am being honest about my gender identity, please do not say, "Cool." I understand cool is for a science project or any inventions that are mind-boggling or awesome. I am none of those. Treating me like I am a Google search is rude. If you want to get to know, ask me questions that are dating questions such as asking what do I enjoy doing in my spare time or maybe my travels or what I love to eat. Do not ask me right away of what position I like in bed, whether I am a top, bottom or verse. Those questions are just inappropriate. Also, if you want to get to know me, do some advance research, I am not Encyclopedia Britannica or livescience.com

"Treating me like I am a Google search is rude."

• Compliment me genuinely. I feel like this is something that becomes a gaffe. I am not only talking about guys but also other people. Let me tell you this, please do not tell me, "You do not look like trans" or "I would not have known that you are trans." I am not here to trick anyone nor I am on a disguise. How you see me and how I present myself is how I wanted to be seen. Avoid blunders and backhanded compliment.

• Do not make me a part of your checklist or ticky box. I have heard some guys who say they have never been with a trans woman. I was like, "hmm, am I checklist to you?" Then they keep going with the lines, "I am questioning my sexuality lately and I want to experience it." This makes me shake my head. First, you do not become gay or you are not gay. I hear it a lot, "I am not gay". Well, we are not going to discuss your orientation here, if you are interested focus on what you saw because the picture you saw or the one you are seeing in front of you is a woman, not a unicorn. It does not matter what is in between my groin. You saw a woman. PERIOD. Dating a trans woman is not like your grocery list. Dating my fellow trans sisters will not change your sexuality. Talulah Eve said in her article "What everyone should understand in dating a trans woman", "It does not make you any less of a man or any less straight." Re-read that, please.

"You are enough and you are beautiful! "

• Respect. I have a lot to cover here but here are the basics. Be respectful of my sexuality. When I identify as this person or I prefer this person, do not be confused with it or question it. Be respectful of my time. This is where all the flakes are going to come out. Do not do a last-minute cancellation because of your alibi. I have heard some of them and really, they are not Oscar-worthy. Some of them are just old and rusty alibis. Being flaked on is not the best feeling ever so please be kind. Be respectful of my journey. I am being myself so get to know me. Stop all these assumptions and be proud when you are walking beside me. I do not need to be kept as a secret. There is beauty in what I have gone through, respect that.

My top five tips and hopefully they are helpful, do you have anything you want to add? Happy dating sisters! You are enough and you are beautiful!