Flakes in Dating 101: A Victim's Guide

For a transwoman I must say, the wonders of flaking are a total cluster fuck. What happened to the principle of thinking about what the other person is going to feel if I flake on her.

I sure am a victim. Am I looking for a lawsuit? Nope, but lots of people like to whine about flakes in dating. I have complained about it so many times, and you know what, it is not the best feeling ever. There are many examples I will give as you continue reading and I tell you the alibis people say. Some of them preposterous and some are just downright crazy, immature, and cowardly. It is unacceptable.

Guys do not understand the repercussion of it. I think at times some of it boils down to insecurity, being uncomfortable with themselves and just being a total douchebag. The intentions are there but I do not think that the commitment is genuine. The fact that someone has an inkling to not showing up, it just shows what kind of person they are on the inside. I am not saying that these guys, who flaked on me, are bad people, but I can only assume that their moral compass is skewed. It probably needs an alignment.

Whatever the reasons are behind the flaking; this bad behaviour is deplorable.

Forgetting the scheduled meeting: Guys I get it, we have busy lives. Work is insane, and we end up working an hour or two late due to deadlines, family meetings, dealing with issues on a certain project or staff member. However, if you know you have a scheduled meeting, putting a reminder does not take long. Our technology has given us that ability. Plus, it does not hurt to create one. You put the times when you are taking your vitamins, I think creating a schedule on your phone that you are meeting someone should take the same importance.

Also, if you have forgotten the date, would you be man enough to apologize and let me know that you are sorry. Do not go two or three weeks without apologizing. It is hurtful and disrespectful. I have planned my time around so many things, despite my busy schedule and for someone to say that they have forgotten the appointment with me, just sucks. The thing is if you are not interested, you can open your mouth and say it rather than going quiet not even saying "Sorry." We are adults. We are not in elementary. The alibi, " I forgot on the day and avoided the confrontation and took the pussy way out. "Yup, that is a legit quote from someone. It is lame and unforgivable. That to me screams, "I do not care, I do not value you nor your time." It is sad. Infuriating.

Giving the wrong address: Please be kind, do not blame geography. I am the one doing the drive and not you. I have been kind enough to say yes to driving, after all, Honda Civic is a rockstar when it comes to gas. However, if you are expecting a visitor. I expect you would give me the right address. I have experienced this at least three times where guys would give me the wrong address. It is all set up and ready to go. You do the drive, 30-40 minutes to the destination.  When you get there they will message, "I gave you the wrong address, I cannot meet you."

See how fucked up that is. I do not get the rationale behind giving the wrong address and wasting someone else's time. I do not understand it at all. I find it hard to believe that guys would do this. I said, earlier, it is not the best feeling. You feel defeated and frustrated. You have all these questions, "Why would he do that?" I honestly, do not know the answer. Do you?

Patiently waiting, you know!

Setting the time but have gone MIA on the day of the meeting: I am sure at some point in our dating lives (For me it happened many times.) we get to connect with someone, and you felt you are gaining momentum. Then suddenly, it fizzles out. Wait, can we backtrack. You had a lovely time on the phone, chatted via skype. Date and time all set up. Confirmation is done. Then he screws ya. On the day of the meeting, let's say an hour before the meeting, they have gone MIA (missing in action) on you. I just let out a huge sigh and scream "Fuck you." It is either you are committal or non-committal. Especially, if you sent me a text the other day, " Looking forward to seeing you." What was that about? Was it a bait? Does your plan finally pan out? Where was the sincerity? Where did the eagerness go?

With all these examples, looking on the bright side, it does give me a good glimpse of what kind of person these guys are. I wonder if they are feeling guilty after, though? Sadly, the dating world is full of flakes. I wish guys would be more respectful because my time is as important as theirs. Whatever the reasons are behind the flaking; this bad behaviour is deplorable.

These are the top three examples I had experienced in my dating world. I know that people will flake and there is nothing I can do about it but I can only truly be mindful of my thoughts and actions. It creates hate and anger inside of me which I do not want to keep inside me. Communication is the key, and I can only do as much on my end. If the other person is not going to follow through, the onus is on them. All I have to do is remember this, "Karma is a bitch and it bounces ten times."