Guys, be curious: A trans woman's request

"Curiosity is the most powerful thing you own." - James Cameron

Curiosity as a topic is interesting; although the quote said by the prolific filmmaker and environmentalist James Cameron was probably more about cinematic creativity. It is also applicable to our daily lives. Of course, this blog post has something to do with my experience as a trans woman in the dating world.

Online dating is very popular and there are groups out there that some people join to narrow down the preferences. So, as a starter, for guys, you know what you are getting into joining and signing up for a trans women group. Do not address my sisters as "he." You signed up to our world, treat us with respect. The group says, "Trans women or Trans feminine" that should signal that most of the girls in the group are either on their early transition or have been transitioning for quite some time. It is a different story when there are crossdressers in the group and that is where you need to exercise a bit more caution with the questions. If it is strictly trans women in the group, reframe the questions or ask for clarifications in a way that is not offensive and considerate. The following questions are appropriate, "How do you want to be addressed?" or "How long are you in your transition?" No, we will not bite your head off. However, if you start the questions with, "Are you a guy?" or "Do you have a pussy now?" Then expect a nice dose of dishing out because you will get it. Also, it makes you look dumb.

Sensitivity promotes communication. Be sensitive.

Everyone's preferences and goals differ. Not every trans woman you know are like the ones you saw on Pornhub or Xtube. Inquire first about who we are in general, unless the intention, in the beginning, is a hookup, then that becomes a different league of conversation. Do not assume that everyone assumes a certain role (top, bottom, verse) because what works for you may not work for us. The cup size is another question that becomes contentious because, in all honesty, not everyone, wants to have a big watermelon on their chest. Besides, not everyone has the financial capability to get the surgery and the same applies to the bottom surgery. So you might be asking, I thought to be curious but why are you deflecting these questions? Most men will ask intrusive and combative questions, if not with a question mark, most of the time, they are in statement forms such as "Let me see those big tits." or "Bet that is tight." Here is where curiosity should start. We do not mind the questions but if you are assuming, you may not be happy with our answers.

Our sexual predilections vary. For men, I get it some kiss, some do not. I know it involves emotion. I get curious when I get an answer from a guy, "I do not kiss a guy" or "I will only kiss if you are looking feminine." Well, going back to my first point, you are in a trans woman group. I think you should be avoiding the terms, "dude, guy, man" No, do not give me the excuse it is an expression, we are not friends for fuck's sake. I think the desire should be there that is part of curiosity. If there is no desire then that becomes a one-sided fun. The inclination to kiss should not be given as a condition to a trans woman. As a result of it, it aggravates the hurt we are feeling because we are trying to adapt to the body we have and every day we try to cope with the changes our body goes through. We get it. Our genetic makeup is male but that does not give you the right to disrespect us nor your ignorance with trans bodies is acceptable. Take a good look at our pictures. Educate yourselves, be sensitive. Sensitivity promotes communication. I am even ok with the question, "Are you part-time or full time?"

Definitely, not a part timer woman here.

There is a reason why profiles are part of dating apps. I am not sure why there is a lot of non-readers out there and then later on when you ask them if they have read my profiles, they have the balls to inform me, "Wow, you fooled me." No one is fooling anyone, it was right there in the profile. Your curiosity button was not activated. At least my intention is not to misrepresent myself. I want to be upfront about who I am because it becomes a predicament in the end if you try to conceal who you are. My line clearly says, "I am a trans woman." Also, try not to box us. Some of us are educated and not looking for money. It upsets me when guys start asking me, "How much?" Excuse me! The audacity of guys who asked these questions is horrifying. We wanted to keep our dignity and self-respect so please kindness is what we ask.

We have a distinct journey and experience. I believe how a person reacts and behaves has a reason (that it involves myself). I do admit, I get snippy, and I have to educate myself with how some guys view us, trans women. Let us both be curious, do not put a label and make it a point that we are both learning as well.