How Others See You...

Do you feel self-conscious and tell yourself, "Shit, I must look like a mess" or "Shit, I did not perform well today." I am sure you have. We always think of how other people read us. Guess what? Sometimes, what we think of how others see us is incorrect. Surprise!

We often think negatively of ourselves, but it gets worse when we factor in other people's views of us. I am not saying that I do not do it because I always do, probably lesser now because sometimes, I am like, "Who gives a fuck about what others think of me?" Here is the thing, how we think of other people's view of us is not always correct. We always look at the minute details of ourselves when we look at the mirror, thinking, "My hair looks greasy" or " Why now pimple?" or "Do I look presentable today?" Wherein, in reality, people do not care whether your hair looks like you can fry spring rolls on them. Other people will notice how you behave that day. Maybe you are looking anxious for an upcoming evaluation at work. Possibly how giddy you are that day with a date you had the other night or how you are not paying attention and how rude of you because you are glued to your phone doing online shopping. We are so consumed with the granularity of things while other people do not even notice those things at us.

Think of an instance in your life where you think that you have thought that people have judged you for your looks, personality or character. What were the thoughts that ran into your busy brain? I am sure you have jumped to a conclusion. It is different when you are with someone familiar with you or someone you are close with versus a casual acquaintance or a stranger. I bet your ass you think more of those casual acquaintances as giving you a bad rating because your initial thought would be, "He does not know me at all." On the other hand, that person was probably giving you Kudos for trying to be confident with the project you presented in the class, or you have managed to breeze through a difficult conversation with some colleague. It is the perception we have. Also, the connection we have with that person is how we gauge how bad we think of what they thought of us.

I also think that a crucial aspect of this is the act of clarification. It may not be applicable every time, but you can get feedback on how you did with a project you completed. Asking specific questions rather than broad questions will help you understand what you need to work on. It will eliminate all these questions in your head, such as, " I think they do not approve of what I created." Like, I said, it will not be applicable in every situation, but I have a suggestion, why not discard all those negative thoughts from the get-go. At the end of the day you are consuming yourself with all the unnecessary negativities. It starts with stopping comparing yourself to others. I get it that it is the default to compare ourselves to some celebrities we see on our IG feed. Put a stop to your fear because it can cloud your perception. Do not intensify it more even though you are seeing things in the mirror. Cultivate more self-awareness and mindfulness. The focus is not always you, you know, and your pimple that other people can barely see. When I say self-awareness, knowing and understanding yourself from the outside in. Don't fall into these pitfalls of trying to overthink things because no one is keeping a score of how bad you look, maybe some do, but even if they do, who gives a fuck. What I give more fucks with, is knowing that I do not inherently think of negative things that others are thinking of/about me. The insight that I kept inside me, is the only thing that matters. If I needed to clarify, I would and can have a candid conversation about it when it is applicable. But girl, I don't even worry about my facial bone structure and short eyebrows, that is what ombre powder is for (coming soon bitches) because if I keep thinking about them, I would certainly go crazy.

These narratives in our head most of the time are incorrect. Do not give that power away. Forget those labels. Instead of thinking about how others see you, practice how you are going to keep improving and loving YOU!