I will never be in the running and that's ok...

"You are still in the running for America's Next Top Model," according to Tyra Banks. I wish it is the same as my dates.

Wonder how many countless dates, multiple coffee meetings, and thousands of email exchanges can you have before you get a decent man who is willing to ask you out for a date? Or someone willing to stick for more than 48 hours to chat and get to know you. The "Fresh Before" date is usually short-lived. It has only been on the shelf for 24 hours, and I can tell the expiry date stamped on it already. The yogurt in the dairy section has way more days before it expires than my dating world. These expiration datings are frightening.

Finding that balance to be not consumed by the chasing can be a hellacious task. I am learning to enjoy myself, and I do not go straight into thinking whether the date is going to be long term. If it does not happen, then it does not happen. I think the first key is acceptance. I would admit that I was in a rush in finding someone but in reality, the narrative changes.

"You are still in the running for America's Next Top Model," according to Tyra Banks. I wish it is the same as my dates.

I have noticed myself to be daydreaming and having my self talk, "He is the one" or "What if" and I continue to invest feeling which is probably not the best thing to do especially if I have not had any discussions about anything to the guy. All we were doing was just fooling around. I snap out of it and then I go off to another tangent with my thinking such as, "He is seeing someone" or "He is not looking into something serious" Honestly, these two types of thinking are destructive because I was taking the fun out of it.

All these dialogues are not healthy. They constantly bring you to that confused state which often leads to madness. You lose your focus to what is happening at the moment which is to have fun. The stories you create are not helping in building pleasure and delight to that ride. Too much wishful thinking that becomes the precursor to misery. All it does, it gives you that little pinch inside your heart. It makes you sad, and that is the stories we create in our head.

These what ifs are discouraging. You will realize that maybe it is not for you; that, it is never going to happen. You will be one of those girls. I will never be his. He will never be mine. Th question is, how do we counteract these thoughts? It is difficult and tiresome. You have to be in that space and mind frame where you are accepting of the situation. Let go of all the expectations and say, "Have fun, it is ok." Also, understanding that you have the option to get out of it, if it is not giving you joy anymore. Travel. Do the things you love. Sounds like a game? Not necessarily, you may not be brave to ask the questions you wanted to ask but if you are mindful of what you have in the moment then you will feel less hurt. If we only focus on the things in front of us.

There are gruelling questions that will haunt you but who says dating is easy. No one does. I know it takes a lot of time and effort. I have that awareness. On the other hand, by knowing that you think you are not in the running is also a way of acceptance. It does not mean that when it does not happen, you have to put the blame on you. It is just not the right time and place. You have to be cognizant of that.

Is that fierce enough to be in the running. Photo taken by @bishop_perspective

The word acceptance, it is very tricky because in general finding that special someone is not a walk in the park. Imagine the ones who are with someone and still continue to do the hard work in maintaining it. Remember that you have control of your own emotions, actions and thoughts if someone did not choose you. Do not dwell on the negative. Continue on that search and give yourself time to reflect.

With all these experiences I have and I am gaining, I would practice mindfulness and acceptance that I would never be in the running and that's ok.