Name change 2.0 nightmare

The name change nightmare is, however, happening. In all sincerity, I do not want to think about it, but here I am dwelling on it. This is where the power of letting go should be taking over, but nope, I am equipped with bullets and sass. So here we go.

I had my legal name changed a year ago. I go by Jade now. I have been using Jade for seven or maybe eight years. Before having it legally changed because I know when I used to chat with guys before. I have that as an alias or a nickname. I will alternate it with Astrid. Although Astrid does not fit me; however, I love the name. I have had my concerns with the name change because I know people are so used to my dead name. As much as I love my old name because it was the name given to me by my parents, it increases my gender dysphoria. My meltdown in July was traumatizing. It does not fit my presentation anymore. Like this ongoing issue about the pronouns you wanted to be called and yet some people are still misgendering you. I was so sick of it. On the other hand, I continue exercising patience and kindness.

I am a Nurse yep!

When you talk about being kind to people, it is not hard to give that back. I do not have a hard time giving back to people who are trying their best. It is a lot. I get. It is confusing, that is for sure. My mantra is "This is going to be a long process. You need to be kinder and more patient because some will not get it quicker. Some will take forever to get it, and fuck those who don't get it." That is quite a long mantra, but I have learned to be tough and just face those moments where I have to correct people. The times when I have to inform them that I am using a new name now and that I am uncomfortable anymore being called "Teddy".

I would rather be offended than hear someone initiate a conversation about me without me.

It is a hard phase, and I do not enjoy it. Just like how I do not enjoy my allergies in the morning. It becomes harder when there are people who are not brave enough to talk to me directly. Maybe because of the fear of offending me or I get defensive about it. I would rather be offended than hear someone initiate a conversation about me without me. I find that disrespectful and hurtful. Let me tell you this straight, the only person who can clarify, verify and confirm things about me is ME. Other people are not going to give you a direct answer. There will be additions and omissions. Trust me, it is not fun to hear those stories.

Spring is coming !

Bravery and curiosity are two themes I am going to emphasize here. The courage to chat with me and clarify things is one thing I greatly appreciate. Hear it from the horse's mouth. That way you know the story is legitimate. There is no second-hand source. Curiosity goes a long way. You can be inquisitive, and I would be so thrilled to answer every question someone has for me. I would love to do a sit-down conversation. Maybe, even shoot me a text message. Take note that our comfort level is different. Please do not be offended if I do not want to answer some of your questions. I will not beat around the bush that I can promise you. My name change is not a secret. My transition is not also clandestine. If you have a question, please feel free to come to me directly. So we do not trigger something ugly because it can backfire. The repercussions are going to be ugly. After all, I am no celebrity. I am just trying to be myself.

This name change can be a pain, but it is a part of my journey. Nevertheless, I will continue shining.