On dating as a transwoman: Part 1

Let me call this as my first entry to "The Diary of Estradiol and Spironolactone".

I've been meaning to write an essay about dating as a transwoman. Recently I opened a profile in one of the dating sites namely Tinder and OkCupid. It has been over a year since I have been single and I just want to open up myself to possibly meeting people again. Dating for the transgender community is very difficult, I think dating, in general, is complicated.

Let me divide the issues that I am experiencing, thus the Part 1 for the title. Tackling different concerns (well, my concerns) creates a space for conversation and clarification. Some of them were aggravating and some of them were petty such as being tagged as gay when dating someone transgender, the not reading the profile, the fantasy, the unsolicited dick pics, the flaking and alibis which is one of my favorites and I have a litany of them.

I have the first-hand experience as a transgender woman dating guys and the notion that they are gay if they start dating one. In fact, why are we even throwing out a label here, if you like someone, you like someone and that should be the end of the story? Is it? Apparently not. Some guys are all caught up with what is in between your legs and that the connotation when you date a transwoman is that they might be gay, or they have an inkling to be gay. We should ignore the genitals. So yes we are male but consider trans identities and the fact that the spectrum is wide, dudes should throw out that hypothesis that they are gay if they date a transwoman.

So the question now is, are you gay or do you become gay if you date a transwoman? It all depends on your definition of being gay and also on your perspective. You can spew some bible lines out there and that would even be the end of the discussion. You could look at it on a different perspective wherein you are throwing out the idea of the gender binary. Gender is a spectrum and is not limited to two possibilities. One can go deeper but the answer relies on how you see it.

These apps and there are more out there such as Bumble, Hinge, etc. cater more to the cisgender population but some of them have been trans-friendly. You get a chance to upload pictures and of course provide a little information about yourself. You have to be careful as well with what you write because you don't want to misrepresent yourself in any way, shape or form. Or else you will get these messages, "Wrong swipe, sorry." "Oops, didn't read your profile." and lastly, "I don't think I sway that way but thanks though." The audacity sometimes is annoying and I think guys should read the fine print, that is the reason why a profile section was allotted in all these dating apps. Read the fine print, for crying out loud.

Tinder as an example is more about the pictures and guys can swipe right for girls they like and the words appear to be irrelevant. I must admit I don't read the profile at times but now I am learning that reading really provides information on what kind of person you are going to meet (if that happens). However, I understand the limitations of it, too. 500 characters are not sufficient to describe yourself or maybe even identify the ones with homicidal tendencies. Also remembering that Tinder does not show your gender and that these apps tend to lean on the hookup site. The bottom line is "READ THE PROFILE", the texts are important. At least for me although I don't mind swiping to some abs saying hello on my screen.

To be continued.

Channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw