On dating as a transwoman: Part 2

Oh boy, this part two instalment took a while but I am back feisty and sassy. It will tackle discretion and fantasy.

This still talks about dating as a transwoman. Have you heard of the word "discrete." Let's take a dive with the meaning of discretion. According to my godmother Meriam Webster, discrete (adjective) constituting a separate entity. That is a little difficult to understand, what about going to "discretion", I did the same thing consulted my godmother. Discretion (noun): individual choice or judgment or the quality of showing discernment or good judgment or the quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing confidential information. These definitions are a bit clear to me.

A guy would tell you "Can you be discreet?" I think what makes my blood boil with the word is I find that the irrational meaning of it is "to hide" or "to keep it quiet". It is more than irrational, I believe the word created another meaning for some of our cisgender male curious to femininity in the community. I always hear them say, "I don't want people to know, I wanted to be discreet." It does say about "to avoid causing offense or revealing confidential information", this makes sense if someone would ask your discretion that they don't want other people to know that they are seeing or having sex with a transwoman, it is fine and then it becomes a dirty little secret. If you will associate it with seeing someone who is a transwoman and they tell you the word discrete then it opens a can of worms that you don't even want to hear. Well, wait, here comes having a wife, a girlfriend, or a live-in partner. Those are things that they are worried about and they keep shoving the word "discreet" in your throat.

"How you sneak me in your bedroom, is your game plan, not mine."

El Nido, Palawan

Discrete is now in another dimension of Meriam Webster where the meaning literally becomes a judgment of someone else's sexuality and preference. Not just judgment but a poor one. I understand the stigma that comes with it. Still afraid of being seen with a transwoman. Hold on, we do not do announcements, we do not do the grand entrance, we do not scream to people, "Hey, I am a transwoman, I am with this guy".

Furthermore, the discretion if we are going to stick to the meaning "to hide", as a transwoman is not to be hidden. I should be out there and if someone has issues of being seen with a transwoman then it is not our problem. The burden shouldn't be on our end. The word discretion should be evaluated before throwing it out there because really for me, your discretion strategy is yours to really scrutinize. How you sneak me in your bedroom, is your game plan, not mine.

Speaking of games, my sister was kind enough to share her barbies and paper dolls when we were kids. I would create these fabulous gowns and use my crayons to make them beautiful. Also, I have dreamt of playing one of the Disney Princesses, no one specific really but it is one of those fantasies that really tickles you when you think about your childhood. A very different case when you are a transwoman on a tinder site and you have messages with a bunch of questions such as "Do you fuck?", "Do you use your penis?" " So in bed, how does that look?". First, I think the education piece is important. Second, forget about the recent pornhub trans video you have seen. Lastly, I know you are curious but is there a way that those questions should not be part of the "Hi and Hello" because really, you don't say that to your wife, "What's for dinner, ready to get pounded?" Here comes the fantasy that their sex life would be invigorated if they had sex with a trans woman or fulfilled as what other men said.

It gets a little convoluted and time consuming when you are talking to a newbie. The newbie stats:

- they tend to flake (won't show up when it is time to meet)

- it is all about bravado e.g. dick size

- very inquisitive.

- these are the ones who are curious and "exploring" their sexuality.

Another type is the dom type, here are their stats:

- they will say that they like to have a sub

- they will demand on so many things even on the text as if you two are in bed and he is giving you a whip

- they wanna be worshipped like a God (seriously)

I give these two types of fantasy obsessors the credit on being explorative but I find some to be disrespectful. I think the key is respect on every occasion whether it is via text or in person. Also, be good with your words. If you say you are coming, then come. Do not be demanding on text because it is just text, so chill. Be considerate.

These two things: discretion and fantasy can be quite a discussion. I think for every transwoman out there, discretion is something that a person should resolve in himself before reaching out to us if not then use good judgment whether the next words they are going to say are respectful. It is good to have a fantasy but we are not sample food on Costco, just an FYI.