Online Dating Rejection: Do not let it knock you down

Too many instances that we get those messages, that someone is not interested anymore or they do not want to continue seeing you. Also, a look at two dating trends: curving and ghosting.

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Dating is already hard in itself, but rejections are harder. Dating rejections are very common. It does stings. It is hurtful, and it comes in many forms. Getting dumped is one, ghosted and being turned down by someone. However, we have to remember that rejection requires knowing someone; we have to decipher whether it is a real rejection or not. According to Sandy Weiner in an interview on 2nd Act TV on youtube, "Rejection is not real if a person does not know you." A lot of people think that when someone does not answer their message that they got rejected. In reality, you are not. The person on the other end, probably have not seen your message yet or has deactivated his profile. Sandy Weiner added, "Remember that a profile is not a person". Tons of profile online but not everyone is real. It might be a fake account. The digital world is a precarious environment for online dating. One has to know someone before they can conclude that they got rejected.

There are dating trends right now that are utterly stupid and I find that it is so immature. I am not saying that I have not done it to some but I think it is important that we should be mindful with our daily encounters whether it is online or in person. People should be able to say things in a manner that is respectful and positive. We don't leave people hanging, just like "ghosting". Urban Dictionary defined it as, "the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone you no longer wish to date." This happens when someone disappears without any explanation. You kept messaging them for days and they are nowhere to be found. There are am sure reasons why someone ghosts but I think the action is not justifiable. They think that it is not as hurtful than telling someone that they are not interested anymore. If you ask me, it is immature and very cowardly. I have experienced this myself and it is not a fun one. The online dating world creates that connection but it also leads the way to people's disappearances and asshole behaviours.

I think if someone is not interested, they should be able to tell the person. Even people who have gone on multiple dates experience this, for who knows what ungodly reasons. The best way to do it is to be open and honest. If there is no spark going on, inform the person, rather than just shutting down; making the other person wonder what is going on. It can be disorienting and frustrating. It has a huge impact on someone's self-esteem. It is very easy for some to go into denial and say, "Maybe he is too busy or he lost his phone." You know what I call it bullshit. If not denial, we can go overthinking and think that it was our fault. E-harmony UK stated, "The first stage in recovery is to accept it." This would pave the way to "it is not you" who has the problem. If they do not have the balls to tell you that they are not interested, then it means they are not ready to be in a relationship and it is their loss.

It is very easy for some to go into denial and say, "Maybe he is too busy or he lost his phone." You know what I call it bullshit. - On Ghosting

Another dating term is curving, which is worse than ghosting. Swipelife.tinder.com defined curving as, "when someone responds to texts infrequently and with only the vaguest interest." This move is very non-committal. Now, your mind is wandering whether the person is busy, interested, distracted, have phone signal issue, poor communicator, or simply just fucking with you. The other person takes a while to reply, it could be days or weeks and will provide you with some preposterous alibis. Then at some point, will try to engage you by saying, "Let's meet soon, ok." This is a total mind game and as someone who has online profiles, I have learned to filter out guys who are being "curvers".

Here come the questions whether they are doing it intentionally or are they just plain scared of telling someone that they are not interested. Pretty much beating around the bush and they have no idea what to do. They keep delaying things just to say that they have communicated. The interpretation might be that they are just too scared to commit until they get to know you but I think when there is interest, there should be engagement. In terms of communicating and letting the other person know what is going on. If it is not the right time, one should just honestly say it. Informing someone, that they are too busy or they are dealing with a work project is not hard to do, it takes a minute to do that phone call or text message. Do not leave a trail of hope that one day, a date is going to happen and miraculously, we will end up together. I, myself is not delusional, things take time and really, we have to get to know each other. On the same note, please, do not waste my time.

Online Dating Rejection can be a mess

Going back to what is real and not real rejection. If someone went on a date and it was just rated, "ok" then do not expect that a second date will follow. Going back to mindfulness, if you did not get an invite, that is not a rejection, it just means that the connection is not there. In short, it is not the right fit. With all these dating trends that we are experiencing, we do not want to be living in anxiety while trying to find one decent date. As a social being, rejection is a daily occurrence and all we needed to do is survive that day. We at times feel that we are not secured and rejection impacts our mental well being but we have to remember that it does not mean that we are not desirable and valuable. We have to remember that it is also part of the dating process, there will be good and bad ones out there. Also, have your supports such as your friend or parents be able to have these conversations, as hard as it is, they might give you more insight. Hopefully, boost your self-esteem. Learn something from it, look at the bigger picture, bear in mind that this is just a setback.

Lastly, do not start hating yourself, you should be patting yourself on the back for trying. Putting yourself out there is difficult but trying to mingle and talking to people is a good start. Hannah Schneider of Elite Daily said, "Allowing yourself to look this rejection head-on and believing that you are still worthy of love is a great start to healing."