Social Transition: Anxiety of a Transwoman at work

When you decide to transition in the workplace as a transgender individual it involves a ton of process and also uneasiness and fear. Fear that you might receive some unsolicited comments from co-workers. The worry of how you present yourself. Dread how your boss will see you. So many things required and that's where social transition comes into play.

A CEO in the making

In the last year, I have been chasing jobs not that I am not happy with the job I have. I am looking for more leadership positions and that being said, I was in the hunt for managerial positions. Nothing has panned out yet but I have learned many things in the last year that I should smell the flowers instead of rushing to the peak.

So, I have a piece of exciting news on my job. It will be a challenge and it will also be a change but more than the change is my anxiety towards getting into the role and meeting a new set of co-workers. Some I know and I had a rapport with, however, some I don't know. Moreover, the trepidation I am feeling is geared towards my identity and gender. It is funny that I have no problem applying for managerial positions and not consider that when I get the job offer I will meet new people. This time, it isn't really a new job for me, I will be doing the same role and as far as I am concerned I think the work ahead will be good yet challenging.

First, I wanted to give you a background as to what social transitioning entails for a transgender individual. According to gender wikia, "Social transition is the social portion of a transition, in which a transgender person makes others aware of their gender identity." It can include informing other people about your gender identity, changing name that can be used for social interaction, and use of pronouns and titles in reference to you. Some say that social transition is the easiest part of someone's transgender transition yet the process can be daunting due to transphobia that can pose danger to someone. There is a term, "gatekeeping" wherein one has to be able to undergo social transition first in order to proceed to the medical and legal aspect of transition.

My experience was different as I started talking about it to a few friends and my family especially my sister who I found was supportive of the process. Although the apprehension was present, I managed to sincerely say the words that I am transitioning to the people who I care about. Later on, I was doing these quiet and stealth changes at work. People started noticing and asking, of course when you are cornered by questions, and most of the time they were uncomfortable, you have to come up with an answer. Of course, that's when the truth starts to seep out. Until everything gets exposed and you just have to be brave to let it all out.

| “We are not what other people say we are. We are who we know ourselves to be, and we are what we love. That’s okay.” -Laverne Cox

Going back to the anxiety I am feeling, I have transitioned socially as a woman in the last 4-5 years and I am super grateful to the co-workers I've had a chance to work with. They have been accommodating, sensitive and accepting. This is where my anxiety is rooting from. The thought of moving into a job where you have to introduce yourself and you are going to wonder how they would react or receive you. I worry that I will have to deal with the pronoun issue again. I will have to face days ahead of family picking on my name and asking me how I ended up with that name. With this name change that I have not finalized yet, I am nervous with the things that will come up with this job.

I am not going Pollyanna on this blog post but I will try to just take it one day at a time. Try to learn people and hopefully people will try to learn me as well as a person. I hope that they see that my name nor my gender has nothing to do with the job that I do. Also, to the fabulousness, I will bring to the table. So we will see...