Tough times: Cooler heads prevail.

A very difficult last two weeks, I must say. This is a test for everyone. I hope that we get through this soon. If not, we will have more things to learn about ourselves, one another and the natural world we are living in. I skipped a week writing on my blog because I feel like what is happening in the world is total chaos and mayhem. My life is getting smaller and scarier. Smaller in the sense that with the restrictions we are having, I feel that my playground has gone smaller especially when you are trying to follow the rule of social distancing. I am one who has not followed it initially, but when I was seeing those numbers skyrocket, while; I had the scare of this COVID-19, it made me think. It made me realize how important it is to follow what the medical professionals and scientists are telling us. I am a healthcare professional, and I need to do this not only for myself but also for the patients I care for. Knowing that the case started here in British Columbia at a nursing home. Nowadays, it is frightening when you are watching the news. You feel helpless, depressed and terrified. Look at what happened in China, the death toll in Italy is staggering and now the cases in the United States, continuously climbs up. Why did I say, this is a test? Let me share a great example. Three weeks ago, I came back from my Las Vegas trip, and it was amazing. Seeing the Sin City was exciting and I know the virus was already ravaging other cities in the world while we in North America were still doing our craziness with a very little amount of caution. I have tried to not go overboard with the crazy but also I managed to do some caution. I was reminded by friends to do my hand washing, bringing your sanitizer and practicing cough etiquette. I did those, and I think I have avoided some nasty coughing incidents from others when I received a phone call from Public Health, 10 days after my arrival, that someone tested positive from COVID-19 on my Swoop flight back home. I was in shocked. I was horrified. I tried to keep my cool because now I was asked to put a mask on and isolate myself. It was upsetting to know that the results were delayed but also "Why are they phoning me now?" I have been working. I have been hugging people. I have been holding the patient's hands. I have been near people, like, "come on", not now and most especially not me. Moreover, not my patients.

Yes, I am a nurse myself. So please, people stay home for us!

It scared the hell out of me, knowing that I would possibly be a carrier and with the number of hugs I have given in the last 10 days, you would not believe, how many I would have sent to the hospital or would have sent home to do isolation. Luckily, I was asymptomatic and yet there is that other scare, that the ones not feeling it are the ones carrying it. I still did my precaution. I had to tell my friends about it. I had to tell some people at work about it. I was afraid. Being seen with a mask would add more to the hysteria. You would not believe how many care staff I had to deescalate and ensure that the information they are getting is from a legitimate source. I have read it somewhere that we are not only dealing with a pandemic but also an infodemic. People should learn to filter what they are watching and listening, too. Some of them are poison. Some could hurt us real bad. Back to my scare, I had to feel myself, the anxiety was brewing and that was making me short of breath. Take note, that shortness of breath was one of the symptoms that you have to keep an eye on with COVID-19. I certainly was making myself stressed on that Thursday leading to the weekend. I was worried about the patients. They are so frail. I was scared that they might not see their families because they will get sick and die. During this time, the visitor restrictions were put in place by facilities and that made it worse for every patient in every nursing home all over the world. I can feel it, the environment suddenly changed and it was quieter. There were moments that the stillness, the deafening silence was odd. Thank you for the televisions and the music of the Platters and Elvis Presley that puts a smile on the patients. I was worried about them. I was and can you imagine the sigh of relief I had on Monday when I was cleared by Public Health.

It is easy to get caught up with all the negativity, lack of supplies in the hospitals, closed borders, canceled flights and rising cases in different cities and I am not saying they are not important but there is also an opportunity for other things that we can tackle at this time.

Some of you are probably wondering, what was your thought process when they were telling you about the positive COVID-19 passenger on our flight? Receiving a call from Public Health is scary, you know when you receive phone calls about the sexually transmitted disease. It can be a fearful 2-3 minutes of your life. In this case, this is something that can snap you in half and send you to the morgue, if you do not take it seriously. I do not even want to think about the fact that I will be gasping for air, and I will be intubated. The thought was terrorizing me, and I feel really sad with the family who was affected by this deadly virus. I had to take care of my sanity. I had to learn to cope in those few days as to what I needed to hear and see. Everyone is already panicking, and I do not want to get affected. Although, I must say that when your friends are panicking for you, you instantly get a dose of it. I was checking my temperature at work, and I was checking my breathing. I was clearing my throat and doing my mini coughs, trying so hard not to do a full-blown one to get mistaken for a possible coronavirus. Yep, allergy was on the attack at the same time. It remains to be rough at work when we are swabbing patients and also trying to be vigilant with who comes in and out of the facility. Watching out for that fever, shortness of breath and a cough. I had to ask myself every day I get up even after I was cleared by the nurse a week ago. I say being attentive to what my mind and body were saying was a very important step. I have to continuously do my hand washing and hand sanitizers. I was observant of others as well with how they react and also mine, too. Their experience is different than my experience. My fear is different than their fear but cooler heads prevail. If I had continued on the worrying trajectory, the anxiety I was feeling would have brought me to the emergency department. I thought would me being there, would that be a good use of a bed or a chair or resources at this moment of the pandemic. The answer was NO. So, even though the world is on a halt, my mind is not. I still have to navigate healthy ways, so I can keep my body and mind well-conditioned. Losing my cool will not help me. Yes, I still have those frustrations at work and even after work. My soundboards have listened to me grunt and grumble. I truly appreciate them. It is easy to get caught up with all the negativity, lack of supplies in the hospitals, closed borders, canceled flights and rising cases in different cities and I am not saying they are not important but there is also an opportunity for other things that we can tackle at this time. Such as making sure that we remain calm and deliberate. At the same, we need to be resilient. Transform how we think and how we are connecting with ourselves, one another and also to the world. We are witnessing so many things in the media and our community with the hoarding of toilet paper, milk, meats, and other supplies. It is so sad to see these things are happening. Some become more selfish and meaner. This is a reminder of the tremendous effect of the crisis we are having, and losing our shit is not the answer to everything. We need to come together. We have seen good deeds happening everywhere, let us be part of those and not all these bad demeanors we are seeing. I wish everyone will in the coming days. We are heading for more weeks of this difficulty, but we need to give ourselves space and defuse all these negative behaviors and thoughts. Stop and reflect. Connect and respect.