You may want to date a trans woman

Note: This essay is a result of a heart to heart talk with a good friend who told me this powerful statement, "Be truthful" plus my weekly Modern Love podcast listen where Amy Krouse Rosenthal's essay was featured. It inspired me to write this one tonight. I hope to free myself from all the suppressed feelings I am having in the last year. Find my closure so I can put myself out there and be ready to fiercely face the dating world again.

Look at that smile:-)

This is going to sound odd and you might find that I might be tooting my own horn a little bit. I will really try just to capture myself on this one. I am a 34- year old trans woman. Do I need to give a definition of trans woman? I guess for the sake of truthfulness and information, I would. According to my friend wikipedia, "A trans woman is a woman who was assigned male at birth." No, do not call me tranny nor a ladyboy. I am sure ladies out there like myself might feel those words are insulting or derogatory. Trans women experience gender dysphoria and most of us may transition in some point of our lives which involves so many things such as social transition, hormone replacement therapy or sometimes going through sex reassignment surgery.

I call myself a trans woman and I am comfortable with who I am. Writing this is hard as I find myself stripping every layer of me and I have to ask myself, what is the purpose of writing this. Do I need to feel validated? Do I need to be accepted? Do I need to be respected? Do I need to be loved? Do I need to reduce the stigma that comes with being a transgender individual? Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

Of course, everyone wants to feel validated and this world is lacking it. I want people to recognize my rights and not feel discriminated for some bigoted beliefs. Acceptance comes when you accept yourself. I have started the leg work to be fully accepting of my journey and I hope that people see that on a daily basis. Respect is a big thing, I do not expect people to understand what I am going through and I do not insist that my truth is something that you need to digest nor absorb. If you have nothing good to say, better keep it to yourself. On the other hand, the people who matter will continue to love and care about me no matter what. The feeling that I am of value to someone means a lot. Lastly, all I need are allies and not enemies. If I wanted to see the change I want for myself, I should be a good example. As other's perception of transgender people varies. Stigma in itself can be detrimental to our own mental well being.

I have started transitioning around 2014, there is still a lot of work to do. Every trans women's transition goals are different. I do not want to go through the process without any plans or goals in mind. I don't have a deadline. In this case, I just want to live life how I envisioned it and how I want to live it. That is taking it one day at a time. Being mindful. Hopefully, be able to bank more days in my life as I go through this process. I remember starting with a short hair, learning how to do makeup, how to dress and put on a brave face to just come out of the house owning that dress and hoping not to trip on my high heels. So far, I have not fallen with my shoes but I sure did have some falls in the dating world. It is tough out there, I tell you.

So you may want to date a trans woman, well, I don't have a big ask really but like everyone else, I have my preferences and I hope you do not think that I am racist. I will be honest that I like white guys, I hope that I am saying it right. Should I say Caucasian? As the lady of this article, I have picked up a name but I do not think that matters right now. If you are absolutely looking for a connection, then, here are some things I can offer. First, if you want a good laugh, I think my thunderous laugh will definitely catch your attention and what I mean by that is you might hate it or love it. It is all up to you. However, if you want some silly jokes and wittiness, I am that girl.

You love to hike, let me drag you to the mountain, the Lower Mainland and the Fraser Valley have lots of terrific hikes. You would have no problem going out for a walk or a big hike if you choose me. I still have some mountains that I would like to conquer but I have done Garibaldi, The Chief, Mt. Outram and Grouse Grind. Those are tough ones.

I may not be a trained massage therapist but I sure give good massages. Yes, after the hike. As you can see I like the outdoors. My love for nature is apparent when I show you the trails that I go to for walks or if I want to flaunt my bike with pink handles on the road. I love to read to and I love being read as well. Poetry is like a love letter for me. Read me some sonnets and poems by Shakespeare, Voltaire, Lord Byron and Robert Browning. I will surely give you the look of adornment.

As for my job, I am a health care professional. I am thoughtful and helpful, at least I try especially with the nature of my job. I love the work that I do and I am a hard worker. I am an immigrant, myself and I know what hard work means. If you want someone with that attribute, I am that girl.

Working full time is a must and I want someone who has the same gig, too. I always tell my friends, as long as you are working 40 hrs a week and you have goals in life, you are "in". If you are banking more, then good. We'll save money for a Paris trip. Now, that's what I call a lover's trip. I love to travel and if you want great experience, you should come and join me. I have been to Paris and Amsterdam but I want to go again, hopefully not as a single individual. I have Iceland, Alaska, Faroe Island, Galway and New Zealand on my bucket list. We can work together on creating memories and of course other things as well. Hopefully grow more as we learn each other every day.

I am not a food connoisseur. Certainly, not an awesome cook, nonetheless, I will still cook some of my specialties such as pancit or chicken adobo (Filipino dishes) for you. I promise not to food poison you. I love music. Some say that I sounded like Toni Braxton or Tracy Chapman. Hey, both are female and they have awesome voices although alto in nature. I am working on my voice and practicing getting up to my higher register to sound more feminine. Like I said, there is still more work to do. Nevertheless, if you want some karaoke and guitar session, we can have an hour or two of singing and listen to me sing for you, I am that girl.

I am not super beautiful but I have the smile and if you want a killer smile, I sure have it. I love fashion and I am a power dresser. I will rock jeans and shirt then match it with a fabulous hat and shoes, I am ready for a date night. I sure would request some poutine and M n M's though on that night. By the way, when you visit my apartment, you would see some post-it notes on the wall, do not worry, those are not tasks to do (well some of it) most of them are the motivational or inspirational quotes that I read daily. I am tidy and organized.

I am totally serious about this pursuit. It might take a bit of time for me to warm up to the person who would come into my life. I just want to get the facts straight, hookups are common and I have done that. It all boils down to the intention you have and if somehow I am signalling that, I will tell it to you right off the bat. Most of the time, do not misconstrue my kindness and welcoming attitude to being sexually flirty because that is not my intention nor I am asking for unsolicited naked pictures. If I want to see one, I have a bunch of guys that I can think of that Mr. Google can easily give me access to. Also, other facts that I want to point out are the things I cannot offer you, I do not have Kim Kardashian's breast nor her ass. I am not capable of pregnancy. I am not a 20 plus-year-old lady.

Let me explain to you, that my age is probably going to affect your decision- making process but let me tell you that at 34 I do not want any more drama nor any bullshit in my life. I am a trans woman, I deal with some atrocities of life just like everybody else and dating someone with too many baggages is just not my cup of tea. I have tried online dating and yes, I have been successful with it at least twice. I have had my shortcomings and regrets as to why those two did not succeed but it is a learning process. I have learnings to do in my life and maybe you can teach me a thing or two as well.

As a person, I value consistency, the technology nowadays gives us the ability to communicate easily but I find that some other guys are not good with their words. I have been flaked on and ghosted. You know what, it is not the best feeling of all. Treat people how you want to be treated, guys, come on. It gets old, really! For all the alibis and excuses, I am not that girl.

My tattoo on my left forearm says, "Do I dare disturb the universe." (The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by TS Eliot) As a person, I think I have done it and I will continue to be a strong individual. On my right forearm is sort of a continuation of what I think is what everyone should be doing, "To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield." (Ulysses by Alfred Lord Tennyson). This search of mine, is going to be an arduous process. I am not sure if I will find you but I hope that you are out there because you are not going to date an alien, you are going to be seeing someone who you might find weird (I am certainly not weird except for my love of gory movies) but I do have a lot to offer. I am ready for a fresh start since Valentine's Day is around the corner.

Sincerely,

TL